


Branded for Taking the Fall

by spookywoods



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hogwarts, M/M, Marauders' Era, Pining, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 10:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16871068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spookywoods/pseuds/spookywoods
Summary: When Remus realises he's in love with Sirius, it's all-encompassing.





	Branded for Taking the Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Transferring over from a tumblr drabble, written July 20, 2018.

Remus isn’t sure when it happens. He’s convinced himself it crept up in tiny stolen moments so as to completely take him by surprise. **  
**

Maybe it’s when James asks him to pass the butter and Remus glances over at Sirius across the table, noticing the bright morning sun casting shadows on his cheeks; when he’s taken aback, suddenly noticing the subtle change in Sirius’ face as he’d thinned out and matured, how the strands of hair falling from where they were tied back frame his face in such a way to make him exquisitely beautiful, effortlessly.

Or when Sirius casually answers a difficult question aloud in a Charms class without even thinking, realizes he’s made himself look smart, and blushes for a moment before relishing in the professor’s affirmation. Perhaps Remus loses it each time he asks to look over Sirius’ potions notes, seeing on each new parchment illustrations of the current phase of the moon.  

Or maybe it’s the soft way Sirius talks to him; the times when Remus needs a smile, Sirius manages lighthearted fun, making teasing remarks or silly observations. But even more frustrating are the times when he pulls apart Remus’ short answers until he’s discovered the buried truths, the things Remus would not care to admit even to himself. In those moments, Remus feels like he’s shown Sirius a piece of his broken soul and had it reflected back to him. In those moments he feels as if he’s the only one lucky enough to see Sirius’ broken pieces too.

What doesn’t help are the times Sirius creeps up behind him, leaving little touches on his shoulder, his neck, his arm, casual and yet thoughtful actions that Remus never sees bestowed upon James or Peter. Maybe it’s the few times he’s caught Sirius staring across the Great Hall or the Quidditch pitch at Regulus, dark eyes pooling with sadness, anger, and regret. Remus never knows the depths of Sirius’ pain, and the question that lingers there makes him long for his friend even more.

But what he doesn’t understand is how these things add up to something when more often than not Sirius is involved in some absurd or devious plot that drives Remus to temporary madness. How could Sirius strut about the halls of Hogwarts with so little respect? How could he think the way he treats others was alright? Remus doesn’t understand his own heart when he sees Sirius string girls and blokes along for weeks of flirtations and late night snogging only to turn around and ignore them without a second thought. He doesn’t understand his ability to turn a blind eye to it, to not even feel an ounce of jealousy at the sight of Sirius’ hands on someone else–his attention on someone else. He tells himself it’s because he isn’t in love with Sirius Black.

But then Sirius grabs his shoulder, grabs his heart, questions his mood, rattles his core with caring tenacity and an inability to have Remus angry with him. Sirius respects Remus, he values his thoughts, and he’s never seen Sirius apologise to anyone except Remus. In those moments, Remus asks himself if James is Sirius’ best friend, what does that make him? If he’s the only one who gets the broken pieces and the apologies, what does that mean?

He doesn’t realize he’s in love with Sirius Black until it’s all he can feel until it’s all he can think about each morning when he wakes and each night before he goes to sleep. He doesn’t know what it means to be in love with him rather than just love him, but he thinks it has something to do with those moments–so many now, he can’t even keep count of them. But each time he realizes he’s had one, he steals is away, locks it up tight, and knows he’ll hold it inside him for a very, very long time.


End file.
